Earlier today DNA Princess asked where Sprinkles came from so here is the story of Sprinkles:

Well, several years ago in Austin Smegma Balls laid a hooker... wait, that’s a different story. No, on this particular night he laid a Full Moon Trail which started at a bar called The Rainbow Cattle Company. If the word Rainbow didn’t already give it away, the RCC is a gay bar. The instructions were that we were running in boxers and JT being of good Midwestern stock showed up promptly and in the appointed attire. JT hadn’t hashed much before then so the concept of Hash Time (that is to say that The Hash always runs about 45 minutes late) was a bit new to him; and not being so familiar with Austin’s Gay scene (or so he says) he was also unaware that the Rainbow Cattle Company was a gay bar. So for about an hour before the hash JT hung out in a gay bar in a tee shirt and boxers.

None of that is really relevant it’s just the amusing start to the night that he got his first hash name. Later that night, I believe the last bar was Hooters, JT nursed his bruised masculinity (and some say a dilated sphincter — he did, after all, spend a very long time in the bathroom at the Rainbow Cattle Company) over beers and football. Just to let us all know that he was a red-blooded-hetero kind of guy he cheered extra loud for his favorite Steelers who happened to be playing against the Browns that night. So when we all went outside the bar and held the hash circle we named him Brownie for his favorite team... or maybe it was Brown-eye for his other favorite team, nobody really remembers for sure.

Now all of that is well and good (and even fairly accurate) and the stuff of a good hash naming EXCEPT it was a Full Moon Hash, and therefore it doesn’t count as an Austin Hash Name. So a few weeks later we named him Jism Taster which was a more fitting name anyway., Unfortunately though, the name didn’t stick and folks went back to calling him Brownie or Brown-eye but it all pretty much sounds the same when uttered by and/or heard by a drunken hasher.

Over the years hashers came and went but Brownie became a bit of a fixture in Austin (some would say not unlike a syphilitic rash or genital wart) —except for his short stint as a clerk at the Baghdad AAFES Post Exchange.

Then one day it came my turn to leave Austin and life took me away to the land of frozen engine blocs and women named Inga who can crush walnuts between their thighs and who look at me askew and ask: ist dat jour vife? She ist juden, ja? But I digress. Stuck up here in Iowa it always kind of gnawed at me that “Brownie” didn’t have a real hash name. Kind of like a bit of unfinished business.

But what do you name someone like Brownie? Salad-tossing Prison Bitch was already taken. I thought about Sparkles since he once dated a crack whore named Glittoris, I thought about Twinkie —for being such a, well, Twinkie. As you can imagine, lots of other names came to mind as well but none was the “perfect name.”

Then one day while visiting Austin I happened to hash one of “Brownie’s” trails and at the start I was thinking to myself this will give me a great opportunity to come up with a name. But my optimism was short lived because as per usual on a Brownie trail I spent all my time trying to find the thimble full of flour he used to mark it. I was looking at the ground thinking to myself there’s no flour WHAT A WANKER! when I noticed something. Every so often there were sprinkles of white stuff on the ground and it was clear, surely “Brownie” must have come this way. Sure enough the sprinkles led us right to the circle.

Now it was initially our intention to name him Onan for spilling his seed all over the place but since innuendo has never been Brownie’s strong suit (and we wanted him to be able to enjoy his name too) the name was tabled it in favor of Sprinkles.

Either that or it has something to do with him peeing himself on a campout.

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